Sarah Mac

I looked down and saw myself
as I truly am.
Not faux, nor finished, nor heirloom
though I’d have everyone pretend.
I am someone whos quite small-minded
with a tongue like a dagger and heart of stone.
My legs, who I’ve claimed were faithful,
have been fond of traps and called them their home.
My hands, though posed in piety,
have struck out with talented blows.
So there at my core with the smell of decay.
I’ve made space for beginning, for more.
There is a seed thats taken root
within my heart of stone
and through that rock it’s growing still
to break apart it’s home.
A crack begins and I rejoice
’cause life is growing there.
Oh hope for me ’cause now I know
that I’ve been made for more!

Ecclesiastes 3:11 “He has planted eternity in the human heart…”

Is there any modern music that can hold a candle to Beethoven’s Symphony No. 9 (Ode To Joy)? Each time I listen (and I’ve listened so many times I couldn’t begin to count) I am swept away on a current of emotions, high, then low, laughing and then crying. Since I first remember being introduced to this song years and years ago I have never known what the lyrics at the end were because they are sung in German. There was no need for the lyrics though. The music is shouting, then whispering, then lulling, and encouraging. My favorite part of the song, is perhaps, is at 6:41-7:41 (this is what time of the song that I am referring. My favorite part is at 6 minutes and 41 seconds into the song). Listening again just now I feel my heart speed up and tears come to my eyes. I have found the English translation to this part and now know why it has moved me so. Here are a portion of the lyrics now go listen to the symphony and lay your head back and close your eyes and enjoy.

Be embraced, you millions!
This kiss for the whole world!
Brothers, beyond the star-canopy
Must a loving Father dwell.
Do you bow down, you millions?
Do you sense the Creator, world?
Seek Him beyond the star-canopy!
Beyond the stars must He dwell.

For more of my thoughts on classical music go read my blog “Modern Worship vs. Classical Music.”

7th Grade pointed me in a direction that I would never have imagined for myself. I was always an athletic/tom-boy of a girl who was very competitive with others as well as myself. I grew up in a family of tall basketball players. My father, who is 6′ 6″, gave each of us kids the genetics to be basketball players. Although I started out smaller and thought I would never have the height of my siblings I still saw basketball as my sport. So in 7th grade, when school sports start in public school, I signed up for athletics. Little did I know that in order to play basketball, though, I also had to play volleyball and run track. All three sports were part of the athletic program and had to be participated in. This was a bit of a bummer to me at first. I didn’t want to waste my time with other sports. The year passed like this, basket ball in the fall, then volleyball, then spring came and with it track and field. (Imagine a choir of angels “AHHHHHHHHH! Track and Field! AHHHHHH!) That spring began an life of addiction. My addiction to running. Oh how I loved it. I loved the challenge. The challenge of track meets competing with each other and the training days competing with myself. Each year I looked forward to the spring and eventually by high school I dropped all other sports and just ran. I quickly identified my strengths in track. I was/am a long distance runner. Basically my legs have no speed but can go on and on. Eventually my times got faster and faster and each track meet I came home with medals. 8th place turned to 6th place and eventually 4th. Each race I ran I placed in the top 8 and this meant my school team got points. My coaches and team were happy to have me in so many events because it meant a lot of points. I wasn’t satisfied though. One of my best friends was faster. Although I trained harder and more often than her she had a gift that I couldn’t top. My coach told me once that she wished my friend had my determination and work ethic because then she could be one of the best runners in the state. I didn’t wish that for my friend though. I wanted her gift. I wanted the first place medals. I expressed this to my coach and she showed me something that would stick with me. Each track meet my friend ran one race and she won every time. That means that she made 10 points for our school team each track meet. I, on the other hand, competed in 5 events and for our biggest track meet, at the end of the year, I placed 3rd, 2nd, 6th, 4th, and 4th in the events. That means I made 27 points for my team. I blew away my friends points but I never had the cheers from the crowd as I came across 1st. I never had records I was breaking. I never knew the feeling of being the best. This was hard because I loved running so much and I loved the competition, but eventually what I learned from this overlapped into my adult life. The Lord will and does use any person who is willing to follow Him. Our goal cannot be I want to be the next Billy Graham but, “I want the Lord to speak through my life and reach whomever/however He wishes.” I will spend my time reminding myself that the person on the plane next to me is just as valuable, in the big picture, as the hundreds that may come to a large church on Sunday morning. I can’t be shy in telling the truth just because I am not a pastor or Billy Graham. I am Sarah MacIntosh and the Lord can use me….

Remember today Luke 15:10

“I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

Jonny and I are on a mission this summer. We have decided to read through the bible in 90 days. I could try to write a long blog trying to coerce you into joining us but you’re gonna just have to want to. It is about 12 pages or 30 minutes of bible reading a day and yes I will be using any and all forms of “reading” to get it done. For instance, I have already downloaded the bible on my kindle and so I can have it read to me while I drive or run at the gym. If you do want to join Jonny and I we would love to hear your thoughts about what you are reading and what the Lord is showing you. Please comment on this blog anytime even if it is just for encouragement. I will continue to post about what I am reading and any revelations I may have and am extremely eager to see what the Lord has in store to show me this summer. Let’s come up for air this summer and take a big gasping breath of His word

Here is the link to the reading schedule:
The Bible in 90 Days-Reading_Schedule

I have a huge picture on canvas hanging in my “green room” (aka. writing/thinking/reading/input/output room). It is about 5′ by 7′ and takes up a good portion of the wall. On it is a picture of a suspension bridge that looks like it is made of vines and planks. The photo was taken from the starting point on one side of the bridge towards the opposite ending side of the bridge. That ending is a huge tropical looking tree enshrouded in fog. In fact the whole picture is pretty foggy to the point where you can just get a hint of the scene. I find myself staring at the picture, as I am now, wishing I could cross the bridge and explore. It looks quiet, like the only sound would be the slow moving river below, birds and the creaking of the bridge as it moved in the breeze. Because I am such an emotive person I could probably sit here and work up a tear or two dwelling on the fact that I can’t crawl into this photo. I hate to admit that the relationship between me and the bridge will strictly be one of unquenchable longing.

I love the quote from C.S. Lewis that says “If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage. I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it the main object of life to press on to that other country and to help others to do the same.”

I do indeed have that sense of longing that this world can not fulfill but only hint at. I also know that because I know and believe in that “other world” which I was created for then this longing will someday be quenched. I don’t have to live life perpetually hungry or in a state of never being quenched. I have the hope of heaven…

A song or just a poem I don’t know but reading the word sets my mind to thinking…

A Crack Begins

There is a seed that’s taken root among our hearts of stone
And through that rock it’s growing still to break apart it’s home
A crack begins and we rejoice cause life is growing there
Oh hope for us ’cause now we know that we’ve been made for more

Ecclesiastes 3:10-14 (New Living Translation)
10 I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. 11 Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. 12 So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. 13 And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.
14 And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear him.

Jonny and I were talking the other day about how, sometimes, it is hard to take someone seriously because they always see things through a different lens that is unrealistic or warped or blurred. Many people have glasses between them and the world, and they are shaded with narcissism, indifference, joy, hope, laziness, bitterness, love, deceit, hurt, optimism, endurance, wisdom, etc. This got me to thinking about people around me, some close to me and some who are just acquaintances. I know those who think they’ve been so mistreated that their lens is dark with distrust and self-pity and anger. Someone could hand them $100 and they think “Ha! You better hand me a $100 cause I deserve it. I’ve struggled and had it so hard. Everyone should be handing me money!” Or they might think, “Hey! Why are you handing me money? Do you think that I am poor and weak and can’t take care of myself? Are you trying to bribe me?” Both of these views of the world are because of those darn glasses. Because, in fact, the person handing the money was just doing it out of love or giving where they saw a need. How about these glasses…you know the ones that have things caked on them so that you see the world full of holes. Everywhere you look there is a dark splotch where something missing and you desperately try to fill the holes but they stay there. A hunger never quenched. A life never fulfilled. Relationships that never satisfy.

I’ve found that I have many glasses. I read the other day a quote from John Piper. He says, “Self-pity is the voice of pride in the heart of the weak….it comes from a sense of un-recognized worthiness. It is the response to un-applauded pride.” Whoa! Ouch! I know I’ve worn the glasses of self-pity and had a grand old time seeing the world through those lenses and then I’m sure my life reflected that by me seeking applause for that un-recognized worthiness. Ugh! Those glasses just make everyone look bad. Then I think about those glasses I’ve worn where all I see is Jesus. I hear conversations differently, see peoples expressions and intentions differently and therefore I respond differently. My actions on those days are the actions that move my life forward. The actions that make my life bigger and more fulfilling. Those lenses allow me to see a life with purpose and direction.

Now…where did I leave those glasses….

Last weekend I spoke at a women’s conference where construction was the theme and my particular message was on foundations. This probably explains all of my past few blogs “Decay…,” “Cracks…,” and “Instability….” They probably were the results of my studying for this message or were the inspiration. How would I know. It always kind of like that. It seems like the Lord reveals things to me and keeps having them pop up throughout my days so I really get it. So, foundation. I have read all kinds of interesting facts on types of foundation and requirements of foundations and how to lay them. I have learned that even a ¼” of shifting in a foundation and a structure starts having major problems. Doors and windows start to stick, stucco cracks, brick joints separate, and floors sag and slope. Builders know that they need to lay a foundation that will anchor their structure (building) throughout weather changes like drought, earthquakes, excessive raining, typhoon winds and freezing. It will also need to withstand the load it will bear whether a family of 5 or the thousands of people a day that move in and out of skyscrapers each day. Finally and ultimately the building will need to stand the test of time. Knowing these things about earthly building helps me to visualize my spiritual foundation. Isaiah 33:6 says,

“He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure.”

This sounds lovely but I always get stuck on that word fear. What the heck does that mean? To fear the Lord? Websters Dictionary says to fear the Lord is to have reverential awe of Him and reverence is to have a feeling or attitude of deep respect. So we are to have attitudes and feelings of deep respect towards the Lord. How can we do this when the world has exchanged the reasons for respect from being correct behavior or character like being honorable, trustworthy, faithful, truthful, hardworking, giving, loving, etc., to the way a person dresses, how much money they make, how fit their body shape is, how much they are photographed, and who they are friends with. They have mistaken popularity for respect and have become consumed with being star struck by someone famous and forgotten what it is like to be in awe of something that is purely good.

Gallup produced a poll for the most admired people of the entire 20th century and Billy Graham was #7 just under others like Martin Luther King Jr. and Mother Theresa. Also by 1993 more than 2.5 million people came forward to receive Christ at his crusades. Did you know that as of 2008 his lifetime radio and tv audience topped 2.2 billion people? He is also one of the few Americans including the current president who can be delivered mail that simply reads his name and the country. That means you can address an envelope- “Billy Graham, America” and it will get to his mailbox.

The respect and awe many of us have for a person like Billy Graham is just a taste, a tiny little inkling of the feeling or attitude of deep respect we should have for the Lord and that is what Isaiah 33:6 is calling “the fear of the Lord.” I can grasp that. I look again at the verse:

Isaiah 33:6-”He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure.”

If I can fear the Lord then I have the key to the treasure of His foundation. So whats next?

Luke 14:27-30-“27 And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. 28 Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? 29 For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, 30 saying, ‘This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.’”

This means that I can’t just stop at receiving my salvation. I must become a disciple or else I am like the man who laid only a foundation and didn’t build any structure on top of it.

There is a skyscraper in Malaysia that has a foundation that is 394 feet into the ground. That is 39 floors deep! Whats even more amazing is that it is a foundation that supports 2 buildings both 1500 feet tall called the Petronas Towers. These buildings were the worlds tallest buildings up until 2004 but still currently have the record for the deepest foundation. Just laying the foundation for these towers took 12 months. I want to be a disciple of the Lord who is constantly learning more about Him and digging deeper and deeper for that foundation that He is. I want to see that I have a 39 floor deep foundation that He can then use to build a skyscraper off of. Imagine if we all invested into our relationships with the Lord to the point where we had the foundations possible of anchoring skyscrapers? Our cities would turn into spiritual Manhattans with buildings that stood out and brought glory to the Lord. Buildings that the world could see from a distance and run too in trouble. Buildings that stay standing throughout the storms of life.

I want to be a Skyscraper but only because I have His strong foundation.

My daughter is the child you see that is always laughing and smiling. She is the child that draws people towards her without speaking. There is joy in her eyes and I want to siphon a bit of it off and plant it in my heart. Just yesterday we were once again out in public and a group of older people stopped me to ask about her and tell me she is so happy and joyful. Of course I believe she is amazing but I am always thrilled when someone else shares my same sentiment. Jonny and I are VERY introverted. I have always tended to be the person that crawls into a corner at a party and watches the room instead of being the person walking around talking to people and thats if I even get myself to go to the party. We like to sit quietly and we have a small core group of friends. This will not be the case for my daughter. She says hi to each and every person that comes into the view. We will be at a restaurant and her communication with the wait staff, hostess, or manager will eventually have a crowd gathered around talking to her while Jonny and I sit back thinking “Whoa! How did we have such an extroverted child?” So I’ve started thinking…One day when she sees the Lord and chooses to live a life that glorifies Him she will be like a little lighthouse. I want His glory/joy/love/gospel to shine throughout my life to the point where people are drawn to it. I’ve started wondering what it is people are seeing from me instead of that joy, a grumpy “I had to get up too early today” face, or a body position that says “I’m uncomfortable cause I’m shy.” I have no excuse. I have a Savior that came and died so that I can have this life of rescue that I wake up with every day. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says

16-18 Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.

If we did this then imagine how the world would respond…maybe a bit like the group of people yesterday that stopped me about my daughter…

This is just a taste of her daily cuteness…

Jonny and I moved into our home in May of last year. I can’t believe that it has almost been a year that we’ve lived in this house. We have seen our daughter go from a crawler to a runner, we’ve seen records started and finished and released, we’ve seen leaves fall and new ones sprout, and mountains covered in white. In the time we’ve been here it is time for the seasonal cycle to start again.

In our journeying around our neighborhood we spotted a hotel that started being built but for some reason or other stopped after only the first floor’s framework was up. For months we would drive by and wonder what they would eventually do with the property. It is right next to the freeway so it seems prime real estate. Maybe it would be torn down to become a new gas station, fast food place, or jiffy lube. Who knows…one thing we did know is the framework was wilting. Each month that passed we saw the rains and wind and sun were taking their toll on the exposed 4×4′s. What was once golden yellow lumber was turning grey and sagging. I always looked at it and thought “there goes someone’s investment. What a bummer for them.” Those thoughts turned to shock when just a month ago we saw builders come in and start building again on the framework they had begun. We saw an entire 4 or 5 story hotel get built on top of a first floor that previously looked like it was rotting. I never saw them stripping the 1st floor and starting fresh, they just built over it. Now if you are a person who has hurt me or my family and come out to see me and I put you up in the 1st floor of a local hotel I think twice about staying there…Ha! Just kidding. I would never want anyone I know to stay there. I don’t trust that building. I saw those beams and don’t trust them to hold up the structure around it. Now I know that they probably figured out something when they built the rest of the building to make it work but I just still don’t trust it. No thank you.

I find myself putting my hope in the things of this world. I think “putting my faith in good things like family, career, financial stability, etc. are ok. The Lord likes family.” Then I build away at a 2nd, 3rd, 4th floors on top of that 1st floor that I’ve made my treasure. The problem with this thinking is that the things of this world decay. Sin eats away at the things of the world and everything is affected, everyone is affected. The CEO of your business gets greedy, you loose your job. The career that made you so qualified for that job now makes you too overqualified to get hired for the job your willing to take when your savings is gone. The family member who you’ve always turned to for help has turned away from you and the building starts crumple. Matthew 6:19-21 says:

19 “Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. 21 Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.”

Lord help me to see that You are the desire of my heart. Your love for me will not grow fickle, Your work at the cross will not wear out, Your promises to me have more value than the beach has sand and You are glorious. Lord let my eyes be fixed on You and my heart be found in You.