Proverbs 3:5 (in three different translations) says:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." (ESV)
"Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding." (AMP)
"Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own." (MSG)
I have been wrestling with this. Not just the trusting part but the "letting go and not trying to figure everything out on my own" part. I have a hard time not trying to unravel things, sort things and looking at what they mean, how the line up and make sense. I will shuffle and re-shuffle my thoughts about various things going on in my life until I feel as if I have made sense of them, but, every now and then it just isn't possible, there is no sense to be made and I find myself falling back onto these words written some 3000 years ago. I find myself thinking, "Dang, Sarah, when will you learn that this is the place to start, not to end up, after you've worn yourself out." So here I am again, flipping the worn pages of my bible till I land on this verse, that I have underlined and starred as if it's meaning should've already been absorbed, it's lesson learned.
I know I talk a lot about running, but, I am going to do it again because the things I learn as a runner frequently coincide with the spiritual. I have learned, over time, that the running routine needs to change frequently or the body gets unresponsive, no longer getting faster/stronger/fitter/etc. I can run 3 miles a day for weeks and watch my body go from at about a 10 minute mile to perhaps a 9 minute mile but after a while I stop getting faster and my muscles stop toning. In fact I have run so frequently in my life, I have conditioned myself to be able to go out and run 3 miles easily even if I am my flabbiest, most un-fit self. If I desire more speed or more fitness I have to change my routine and challenge my body again. I have to close out that know-it-all voice in my head that says "Do what you're used to, what's easiest, what takes the least energy! Don't change!" It's almost like I have to start from scratch, doing something new, so that my body will once again need to improve it's ability in order to function.
It is the same with the bible. I have read it cover to cover a number of times and yet I still find that I have let myself act as if I have never read this verse in Proverbs 3. I have let the words fall away into a reservoir in my brain that never gets tapped into.
If you jump down a couple of verses to Proverbs 3:7 it says
"Don't assume that you know it all."
I think this is the root of the weeds that I have been wrestling with. I don't think that I know it all, but, I frequently think that I know some, or if I'm being truly honest, that I know a lot, but the truth is, who cares how much I know if it is doing nothing in my spiritual life? If I am forgetting the bare bones? If I am overlooking things that would relieve stress and worry and anxiety in my life and replace them with peace and comfort or as Proverbs 3:8 says about us if we truly know these words
"Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life!"
I am thankful that there are these moments when I can be reminded that there needs to be an adjustment. I am thankful that God is patient and will take responsibility for what I need to know and what I don't, for what I need to learn now and what I'm not ready for, making my only responsibility watching, listening, following Him. So, once again, I am going to change up my spiritual routine. I am going to shift gears, even though there may be a bit of grinding and difficulty so that I can be ready for whatever He may say or wherever He may lead.
Once again it is time to muzzle my inner know-it-all get back to "Trust[ing] God from the bottom of [my] heart; [NOT] try to figure out everything on [my] own."