The other day I was discussing with someone how easily I could now understand women who decide to have child after child until they look down and see 4 or 6 or 7 or 8 pairs of eyes looking back at them, blinking, waiting for something (probably food). I can now understand it because I have had the joy of carrying and giving birth to my own daughter, Scarlett, and even in the most painful moment of that delivery I was still full to the point of bursting with joy at her imminent arrival. Then I remember those early mornings, when she woke before the sunrise, when I would groggily look at her with a smile on my face and tears and sleep in my eyes. Once again, joy was humming throughout my body. Now, my daughter is 3 1/2 years old and even now I am finding my self giggling as she rides her scooter by while wearing a pink, blue and white argyle robe, hot pink kids headphone ear protectors and blue swimming goggles (I tried to get a picture of this unique beast but she was too fast on the scooter).
So I am thinking of all of the joy moments I have already had in this 4 year relationship and all the ones that will come, in the lifetime ahead and I wouldn't trade second of them; but I think there is another huge attractant I have to motherhood. Something that I don't think I have ever realized is so awesome about it.
When I was pregnant I had to give up so many things, coffee, caffeine, some of my favorite foods (cause I would get sick). I gave up my clothes (for a new, far more unattractive set). I gave up my running after 7 months of pregnancy. I gave up my body shape and high heels and sleep and comfort and my normal hormones. There was much more that I gave up but I will stop the listing there. I gave up so much but I found it so easy to do and it was all for love of a person I had yet to meet. It is through motherhood that I have become the most selfless "Sarah" I have ever been and to be honest, it is the happiest I have ever been.
Selfless-having little or no concern for oneself, or ones interests; unselfish.
Philippians 2:3 says
"Do nothing from factional motives [through contentiousness, strife, selfishness, or for unworthy ends] or prompted by conceit and empty arrogance. Instead, in the true spirit of humility (lowliness of mind) let each regard the others as better than and superior to himself [thinking more highly of one another than you do of yourselves]."
I look back at my own childhood and my own mother and see how repeatedly, throughout my whole life she embodied this verse. When it came to making a choice for herself or us children, we always won. When this verse speaks of the spirit of humility (the quality of being humble-low in rank, importance, status) I can look back and see how that was the spirit with which my mother made both small and some of the largest decisions of her life and its one of the great qualities about her that makes me ache to be more like her.
Much of my happiness, as a mother, comes from the fulfillment of this verse in Philipians. I reflect on those early days with my daughter when there was probably the least Sarah thoughts, Sarah wants and Sarah time because of it's consumption by this tiny, warm, cooing skin wrapped love and I find myself longing to go back to that place where there is less of me. Sooo, I this Mother's day I am giving myself a gift, I am allowing myself to scrape off the scales of selfishness and go back to less of me, because I have finally learned