Damaging Worthiness

The other day I was reminded of my extremely poor dancing skills. There was a time when I was younger that I thought I had moves but the older I get the more I realize that while I certainly did have “moves” they were never the kind of moves that should be displayed in public and associated with dancing.

That is unless my daughter asks me to dance.

She is a 3 foot tall display of joy and happiness and when I see her light up over a booty shaking session around our kitchen or outside a restaurant when the music over the outdoor speakers grabs her attention, I can’t help but answer “yes” to her asking me to dance with her. This means my sidestepping, shoulder dipping, head bopping has been seen in public and I could really care less because of her, the laughter starter, the smile bringer, the fun sharer. I wonder what public humiliation I wouldn’t endure if it brought out her bubbling giggles. This thing I do, this dancing even when I do it poorly is just one small way that I love my daughter. This is me handing over my love to her in twirls and the roger rabbit. Maybe someday she will look back and think, “Man my mom can’t dance, yet, I recall many, many spontaneous dance-a-thons in my childhood, even in public!” and I hope these thoughts lead to her realizing she is so greatly loved by me.

I was reminded of these thoughts of love and dancing the other day when I stood next to a man during the singing part of a church service. His voice was bad. Really, really bad, but there, in public he belted out his horrible voice in worship anyway. It made me tear up just a bit thinking of his desire to show his love for Christ through his worship. A desire so great that he clearly did not care about what others might be thinking about him and his pitch-less singing. He needed to express his love for his Savior.

When we are in love, when we show this love, we are fools in our expression of it. We care little about what anyone may think about our foolishness and continue headlong in our desire to express it. I sit here thinking back to emails that I wrote to my husband when we were first dating and I blush at the silly, ooy-gooey, lovey-dovey things I would write to him. I gushed. I overflowed and anybody around me would have known about this boy who was the object of my affection even though they may have thought my gushing sounded silly.

I find myself sitting here desiring to have that same carelessness in my display of love in my worship, in my life of worship. I have a Savior who I love and I want to gush. I want to be able to remember how to let go and be unreserved in my worship and loving of this Savior of mine that perhaps someone would stand next to me and think, “Whoa! Did you hear her sing? All the wrong notes but it’s like she didn’t even care what she sounds like because she is so caught up in the expression of her worship.” Why? Because just as I know when I am an uncoordinated dancer with my daughter I know that there is no place better to be than loving.

And loving my Creator is exactly what I am designed for.

King David seemed to have similar thoughts when someone questioned him about his "leaping and whirling before the Lord." He said, in response, "I will play music before the Lord. And I will be even more undignified than this, and will be humble in my own sight." Another translation says it like this, "Oh yes, I'll dance to God's glory—more recklessly even than this. And as far as I'm concerned...I'll gladly look like a fool."

Undignified-Lacking in or damaging to dignity.

Dignity-nobility or elevation of character; worthiness

David set aside his own sense of worthiness, claiming he would do so even to the point of damaging it, and worshipped the only One with any worth. David knew the Lord and he loved Him. He gushed and he didn't care who saw him because he was worshipping his Creator, the only one who knew him fully and still loved him completely.

This is our hearts desire. We crave being wholly loved and completely known and there is only one who is able to do both. When we realize this, when we catch a glimpse of this, our whole being reacts and we find ourselves dropping our handfuls of our self worth and allowing ourselves to be foolish, undignified in our worship because we desire to respond to love with love.

I will gladly damage my worthiness to stockpile moments of love like these throughout these few years in eternity that my lifetime may fill. May your days also be foolish and undignified and as a result, happy and love filled.

Posted on April 27, 2012 and filed under Anything and Everything.