I like to plan. Everything that I look forward to includes making a list and the process of seeing the things on the list checked off is joy to me. I dream about the future. As a young girl I dreamt of my family and my adult life and all of the things it would include. My mental checklist forming: do well in school establish and get a job that I love find my husband travel the world own a home where a family could grow have children have holidays and special occasions with a joyful family share and see big God moments throughout my life with those I love raise my children to know the Lord in a personal/real way grow old with my husband see my children married see many grandchildren born and raised in whole and happy families
I could go on and on with my list. I could get more detailed with my list but even though I am still young I have already seen and had struggles with my envisioned future crumbling and needing to be rebuilt. My original list has been thrown out and a new list made. The new list quickly getting edited and eventually thrown out as well. Each year I hold my thoughts of the future in my heart an silently pray. I have had to give what I think it should be like to my Heavenly Father and entrust each and every detail of it to Him. I have also seen many friends and loved ones struggle with this as well. People who have seen spouses die far too young, people who have lost jobs and all their savings, people who have seen their marriages fail, parents who have lost children, children who have lost parents whether to death or divorce, and I've seen each one of these people with the look in their eyes that cries for the loss of their envisioned future. Their grief sitting like a rock in their throats, unable to even be whispered. So what does the Father do? What safeguard did He establish for us?
Romans 8:26–28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
I just breathed in these verses…All the tension that I tend to hold in my shoulders, all the furrowing of my brow, the ache in my chest and the thoughts I can’t seem to turn into words as prayers have been heard. I have a “Ghost who lives within the confines of these carbon ribs,” as John Mark McMillan would say, and this Holy Ghost/God’s Spirit hears me. He knows me. He sees me. He intercedes for me and has the perfect prayers for me. My worries are on His lips before God. My fears are being held in His hands. They are named and seen and I am being protected from them. Today I will remember that my sighs are acknowledged and being turn into prayers before my God. My God who loves me and makes all things right.